Hillary versus the Bernie Bro
Hillary: Vote for me!
Bernie Bro: Why?
H: Because Trump is so terrible, and I’ll implement the platform Bernie Sanders made us adopt.
BB: You’ve got to be kidding. You run a bribery racket and can’t be trusted to keep any promise you haven’t been paid for.
H: You are so misinformed! I have explicitly said that I would implement the Democratic Party platform.
BB: You are guaranteed to play the public with lies and deception to get what you want, and have been paid for. That is the one constant in your life.
H: Look, you can be sure that whatever promises I break, anything I would do would be way better than anything Trump might do. No matter what, I’m better for you than Trump would be.
BB: There is no objective evidence for believing that. Since Trump is opposed by all professional Democrats, as well as most professional Republicans, it is unlikely, as President, he’s going to get much of anything done one way or the other. You, on the other hand, are supported by professional Democrats and many professional Republicans, so as president you would have a good chance of achieving your worst potential. Sorry, I’m voting for Jill.
H: How could you live with yourself, and face your friends, if you don’t vote for me and Trump wins?
BB: That’ll be easy. After finding out the kind of people that are nuts for you, nothing would please me more than to never again have anything to do with them.
H: You are deplorable.
BB: From you, a compliment. I can’t always vote for a winning candidate, but I will be able to vote in November and maintain my self-respect. Maybe someday the country will catch up, and maybe it won’t. But, I don’t have to sink down into your mud wallow with Trump.
What They Stand For:
Hillary: The diversity of our faction in the corrupt elite exploiting the American working class is proof of our higher degree of morality and caring for the American public.
Trump: The freeing of the American working class to publicly express its various bigotries without shame is proof of our higher degree of honesty and caring for the American public.
Jill: People over profits, now and forever!
Johnson: No taxes! Even if extinction is required.
How We Will Vote:
College educated people who don’t care how many brown people have to die, worldwide, to maintain them in their comforts will vote for Hillary Clinton.
People not college-educated, who don’t care how many brown people have to die, worldwide, to maintain them in their comforts will vote for Donald Trump.
People who do care about brown people dying worldwide to maintain Americans in their comforts, and want to prevent that and redefine “their comforts” around this principle, will vote for Jill Stein.
People who don’t want to pay taxes no matter what, and so don’t want the US government to spend money on anything, will vote for Gary Johnson.
Manuel: Please don’t trim, neither your list nor your opinions. Your value is to say what you think, all of it. My fantasy is that a Trump win begins the end of the two-party system. In office he’s brought in line by the evil forces–not his own scarecrow, pantomime evil–that in fact control the country. His four years would be no worse than his defeated opponent’s would have been. Then in another election the two plutocratic parties are considerably weakened, sliding downhill or even into nastier metaphors. And, agreed, as your poem says, ‘Dying is inevitable’. But couldn’t it be both candidates before me?